my lifeas itis.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Continued---

Dear diary,
When i reached school today, i couldn't help but look around for him. However, when the school bell rang, he was nowhere in sight. Neither was he in his seat nor anywhere in class. My heart twitched. Was he ill? Did he moved? My mind is revolving around the possibilities of him not coming to school. Art, was my favourite lesson. Until so far, no matter what happened, whenever i picked up the pencil to scribble my work, i would automatically know what to draw. It was as if i am the only one in that class and no one else. Nothing else but me and my drawing. But now, i don't even know what i want to draw. How can i get so distracted by a guy i only met one day and don't even bother to come to school the next day?
On my way home, i saw a figure of a man lingering outside my house. My heart skipped a beat. Was it him? Did he come to find me? When i walked towards the man, i realised it wasn't. He introduced himself as Derrick. A tall and dark guy.

" Can i help you?" I asked.
" Are you Splinder?"
" Yeah?"
" Good."

Derrick introduced himself as Aaron best buddy. Aaron specifically asked him to come tell me he would not be able to come to school for the next few days. Without asking him another question, he smiled and walked away. I didn't know whether i was suppose to smile or cry. Why couldn't he come to school? What reason did he have? I was thrilled that he asked his friend to come tell me, but why? There were so many question in my head unanswered. I didn't know went he would be coming back to school. Or when would i see him again.

The next day, just like Derrick said, he didn't come to school. Ms Sim seemed unaffected that he didn't attend school for two days. As if he wasn't meant to be in school. I wanted to ask Ms Sim so badly. She might know the answers to all my question. But i just didn't have the courage to ask her or even Derrick. I am really a coward, a dastard. Maybe i was meant to be alone, without friends, without anyone to care about me. When i left school that day, i saw Derrick again. I wanted to ask him so badly, but i couldn't. I was in awe.

" Don't you have any friends to accompany you home? "
" No."
" You don't have any friends. Am i right?"
" Yeah."
" Why not?"

How was i supposed to answer him. Should i say that i don't need friends? Or that no one wants to be my friend? When i did not reply him at all, he seemed to understand i didn't want to talk about this anymore.

" I think you might be wondering what happened to Aaron, right?"

Did he read my mind? Or was i so shallow? I just nodded.

" He isn't feeling his best these days. "
" Oh."

So, he is sick. I smiled to myself, he didn't come to school not because he didn't want to see me. Not because be moved. It was because he wasn't feeling so good. Then, i heard Derrick giggle.

" Why?"
" Why what?"
" Why did you laugh?"
" Just like Aaron said, you should smile more."

I smiled again, and i think i can consider Derrick as my friend too? I turned my head and looked at him. I can't help but notice he looked a lot like Aaron. So much alike...

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 3:33 AM

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Just a short story :) Hope you enjoy it.




Dear diary,
Today, a new student transferred into my school. Aaron. When he introduced himself during class, he smiled at me. I can't help but notice his rugged good looks. He has intelligent gray eyes, a straight nose and thin lips. A square jaw and a neat hairstyle. Ms Sim, our form teacher, assigned his seat. Right next to mine. During class, my eyes kept straying away from the board. I was not a student to get so distracted in class. I paid attention and was a straight 'A' student. Today, i couldn't even concentrate. My mind was on that new student sitting so near to me, yet so far away. I did not have the courage to turn my head to face him and initiate the conversation. So, once in a while, i took a sideways glance at him. When i took another glance at him, our eyes met. Red splotches formed on the back of my neck, i immediately looked away. Then, i heard him giggle.

During lunch break, he came up to me.
" Hey, what's your name?"
" Splinder."
" Huh?"
" That's my name."

He just smiled at me. My heart skipped a beat. He has the most dashing smile. During lessons, whenever i caught myself looking at him, he would seem to know and smile back at me. Some times, i could manage a small grin. Most of the time, i just look away. When the bell rang, he smiled and approached me.

" Wanna walk home together?"
" Hm..."

He just grabbed my arm tightly, but gently. When we got out of the school, he asked me.

" Where do Splinder stay?"
" Excuse me?"
" Splinder, your name right?"
" Yeah..."

I did not know what got into me to tell him my last name. When i was wondering what his last name was, he interrupted my thoughts.

" I'm starving. Let's go eat."

I just followed him to a fast food restaurant and sit in front of him while he ate. After eating, he asked me where i stay again, I gave in and told him my address. When we reached my house, I bade him goodbye and started to walk into my house. But, he grabbed my hand.

" Smile more, you look nice when you smile."

I just blushed and look down. When he release my hand, i turned around. Then, i heard him say.

" You made a new friend today. Remember that!"

I don't know why, or how did he know that i did not have much friend in school. Being a quiet student, it was not very surprising that i had no friends. I kept everything to myself and i put my thoughts on paper. When i recalled what he said, i smiled. It was the truth that i made a new friend today.

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 5:24 AM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I came across this song very long ago.
The first impression this song gave me is that it was very catchy.
And nice? Although theres one part where it has no meaning. :P
hahas... well. I like it.



This is the video.

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 4:14 AM

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Are you a les?

Why are you telling guys to get away from your bestie?
Are you in love with her?
Or just jealous.
I doubt so.
You get so protective of her.
And thinks i am going to harm her.
When i only want to tell her something.
chill please? And look at guys.
Dont be a les.
I am not steoretype.
I just am very appalled that you are something like that.
I am not surprised though. Cause i see that in you.
I see that you are an UgLY person. You dont even know anything at all.
So dont effing look down on me. BITCH!

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 3:59 AM

To a friend of mine:


We have been such long friends. I trusted you. Believed you would hold on to what i think can be classified as secrets or gossip. The first time, i was not so agitated about it. I told myself it was ok. Maybe you just feel what i said was wrong. The second time? I started to get angry. Not because you spill the beans. But because you pushed the blame to me. When i did say that at all. You jolly well knew who did. The third time, i was my limit. Maybe to someone, it wasn't anything that mattered. But it mattered to me. I have so many patience as to continuous believed you. Although people told me not to. I still did. Recalling back what i did. I felt pangs of regret. Regretting that i was so forgiving, and so stupid that i believed you. Through the minor problems, i wasn't so particular. I just think that i might do something wrong to cause you to become like that. But that was ok. I took it in and kept it deep. I has been bothering me for a long time. People tell me it wasnt any big deal. To them, maybe. But they have no idea how much pain it caused me. After the third time, it hit me so hard i could barely believe what i heard. I told myself for so many many times that i heard it wrongly. She mistaken. We were friends. Good friends. We smiled so many times. We shared so many things with each other. Why would you do such a thing? It really appalled me. I could not put it in words how i felt. You may think i am the only one wrong. But, sorry to tell you. I am not. You jolly well know who is the one wrong here. A friend in need is a friend indeed. What the heck is this saying trying to tell us? Trying to tell us to lie to our friends when they believe you? You might think i am stupid to have believe you. Maybe i am, but it was because i wanted to trust you. Wanted to believe you would not lie to me. And you failed me three times. What kind of a friend are you now? I might not be a good friend to you, or anyone else. At least you could trust me not to tell anyone your secrets. I didnt tell anyone at all. Until now. I want to let you know that nothing can make me say your secrets out to anyone. Maybe you already admitted it. I dont give a damn. But, just so you know, i was so hurted.
I dont know hoe to face you anymore. I feel you changed. So drastically. Not soley because you didnt talk to me. You just treat me like dirt. When i am of use to you, you hold me close, when i am not usable, you kick me so far away. Is this considered as a friend? No right? I dont know how can i look you straight in the eyes. I would never ever forget what you did to me. No matter where, when, why or how.

So, just leave me alone. And i'll be glad enough.

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 3:45 AM

Friday, February 6, 2009

Hahas:)

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 3:26 AM

tryto understand me.

noteafter note.




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· March 2008
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· December 2008
· January 2009
· February 2009

key of C. o

I tried so hard.
But i can never explain.

key of D. o

i cant' try be somebody.
i'm really not.

key of E. o

i know there's.
some time to change.

key of F. o

everyone's changing.
yet i don't feel
the same.

key of G. o

I am always caught,
up in circles.
To me, confusion is
nothing new.

key of A. o

i never believed.
in dreams,
it never
got me very far.

key of B. o

i tried.
to find myself
when i turn around.
i am always.
lost.

key of higher C. o

no one see.
me the way i am.
i'm always.
a fault.
Never perfect...

key of higher D. o

i tried to fly.
away from reality.
but gravity.
pulled me right back,
to the beginning


still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.

key of the onlyME. o still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.

key of the only ME. still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.