my lifeas itis.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Continued---

Dear diary,
When i reached school today, i couldn't help but look around for him. However, when the school bell rang, he was nowhere in sight. Neither was he in his seat nor anywhere in class. My heart twitched. Was he ill? Did he moved? My mind is revolving around the possibilities of him not coming to school. Art, was my favourite lesson. Until so far, no matter what happened, whenever i picked up the pencil to scribble my work, i would automatically know what to draw. It was as if i am the only one in that class and no one else. Nothing else but me and my drawing. But now, i don't even know what i want to draw. How can i get so distracted by a guy i only met one day and don't even bother to come to school the next day?
On my way home, i saw a figure of a man lingering outside my house. My heart skipped a beat. Was it him? Did he come to find me? When i walked towards the man, i realised it wasn't. He introduced himself as Derrick. A tall and dark guy.

" Can i help you?" I asked.
" Are you Splinder?"
" Yeah?"
" Good."

Derrick introduced himself as Aaron best buddy. Aaron specifically asked him to come tell me he would not be able to come to school for the next few days. Without asking him another question, he smiled and walked away. I didn't know whether i was suppose to smile or cry. Why couldn't he come to school? What reason did he have? I was thrilled that he asked his friend to come tell me, but why? There were so many question in my head unanswered. I didn't know went he would be coming back to school. Or when would i see him again.

The next day, just like Derrick said, he didn't come to school. Ms Sim seemed unaffected that he didn't attend school for two days. As if he wasn't meant to be in school. I wanted to ask Ms Sim so badly. She might know the answers to all my question. But i just didn't have the courage to ask her or even Derrick. I am really a coward, a dastard. Maybe i was meant to be alone, without friends, without anyone to care about me. When i left school that day, i saw Derrick again. I wanted to ask him so badly, but i couldn't. I was in awe.

" Don't you have any friends to accompany you home? "
" No."
" You don't have any friends. Am i right?"
" Yeah."
" Why not?"

How was i supposed to answer him. Should i say that i don't need friends? Or that no one wants to be my friend? When i did not reply him at all, he seemed to understand i didn't want to talk about this anymore.

" I think you might be wondering what happened to Aaron, right?"

Did he read my mind? Or was i so shallow? I just nodded.

" He isn't feeling his best these days. "
" Oh."

So, he is sick. I smiled to myself, he didn't come to school not because he didn't want to see me. Not because be moved. It was because he wasn't feeling so good. Then, i heard Derrick giggle.

" Why?"
" Why what?"
" Why did you laugh?"
" Just like Aaron said, you should smile more."

I smiled again, and i think i can consider Derrick as my friend too? I turned my head and looked at him. I can't help but notice he looked a lot like Aaron. So much alike...

Still, Abigail Splinder.| 3:33 AM

tryto understand me.

noteafter note.




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· March 2008
· April 2008
· May 2008
· June 2008
· July 2008
· August 2008
· October 2008
· December 2008
· January 2009
· February 2009

key of C. o

I tried so hard.
But i can never explain.

key of D. o

i cant' try be somebody.
i'm really not.

key of E. o

i know there's.
some time to change.

key of F. o

everyone's changing.
yet i don't feel
the same.

key of G. o

I am always caught,
up in circles.
To me, confusion is
nothing new.

key of A. o

i never believed.
in dreams,
it never
got me very far.

key of B. o

i tried.
to find myself
when i turn around.
i am always.
lost.

key of higher C. o

no one see.
me the way i am.
i'm always.
a fault.
Never perfect...

key of higher D. o

i tried to fly.
away from reality.
but gravity.
pulled me right back,
to the beginning


still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.

key of the onlyME. o still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.

key of the only ME. still i'll keep on playing.
that same out-of-tune key.
that everybody thought of me.